This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
