Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
