Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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