I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
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