so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
