i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
