I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
