i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
