I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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