peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
