You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
