Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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