It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Of course I have a pirate flag
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
