OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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