after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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