you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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