I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
