i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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