I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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