Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
