I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
