You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dicks are not precious.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
