I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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