My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
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I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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