First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
