my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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