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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010

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  25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous

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• (713): View more from Texas

  I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg

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• (406): View more from Montana

  you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.

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