I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours