I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today