Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.