i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.