all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
