dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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