Pants 0. Shit 1.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
