I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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