McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
