He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
