Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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