im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
