I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize