just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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