Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize