guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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