During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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