Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
