so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
