tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
