The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
His hands were made for my vagina.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
