By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
