wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
