So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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