My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
