VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
