I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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