and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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