he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize