he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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