I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
