Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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