dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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