I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
