Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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