we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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