Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
