I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We had to coat check the pizza.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
