I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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