When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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