Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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