Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
