She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
