i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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