he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
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i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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